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Family Effects of Fraud
Fraud Attack can tear a family apart
or create such a supportive bond
that no man can put asunder!
Communication, Communication, Communication! Lack of communication or miscommunication is a large factor in reconciling the challenges ahead. If the professional criminals have attacked you, regardless of how you got to this point, it is time to rally the family troops and develop the core of your support and defense team. Your spouse and family are important to you in too many ways to list. Mutual understanding of the entire situation is crucial so it is time to disclose all factors in the circumstances of the fraud in which you have been implicated.
The task of making them fully aware will be difficult. Disclosing that you of all people have made important mistakes which are likely to impact the family is a very heavy admission to make. And these are mistakes that even you would have believed were impossible to make so it has potential to upset your esteem but remember these are not strangers, this is your family that ultimately loves and cares about you. Owning the mistakes that now affect your home's emotional and financial stability and the people you love is tough on both sides. Be prepared for initial poor reactions! They have no experience and no coaching in how or what is to befall them now. The unknown is the prime human fear and now your closest worse enemy, but to them it is an abruptly penetrating shock and awe that is shaking their very foundation of all the stability they know. Overlook initial reactions and wait for them to digest the circumstance. They will need time to come to their own balance before they can be supportive. Expect this and do not feel bad or make a big deal about any initially unsupportive comments that may have erupted out of their emotional anxiety and fear.
 Just understand the potential as follows: In the aftermath of Fraud Attack family members can break apart or can come together. This will develop directly from how you have handled decisions and communications along the way ..and especially now. If this fraud has occurred with both partners jointly involved then naturally you are in it together from the beginning but if not, one of the partners has been blindsided by a personal crisis of huge magnitude for which they had no prior knowledge or accountability.
We as people in relations tend to extend our own self-belief around our partner so that we anticipate they will always think and do as we ourselves would, when we are not present. This extension of self-belief in a spouse who has made a dire mistake can create the immediate illusion of betrayal in relationship where no such betrayal has truly occurred. "How could you do this to us?" is a union undermining response and a path leading to division, mistrust, and isolation in your primary relations. Please do not become defensive and make it worse with alienation of partners who are caught by heartburn while digesting the facts. Remember they are shaken by perceived loss of home security and comfort that makes them initially stand in judgment before that can consider solutions. Blame is a natural first response but not one you or they should dwell in; MOVE ON TO SOLUTIONS.
Your spouse and family are important to you. They may be disappointed in the action of the fraud. They may be disappointed that you fell into the trap. They may be reeling in emotion but ultimately once they have fully come to grips with this new problem they still love you, and they are on your team. Regardless of their initial fear based response that may come in any emotion from anger to tears, they will want to help you. They do not want to loose you. They LOVE YOU! Do not let any initial discussion, or hurt your emotions have suffered take over to alienate you from those that do care to the point you become a loner where you keep this team away from being able to help you. You need both physical and emotional morale support to help you recover your esteem from the jaws of the demon system that is prepared to harass you to the breaking point for repayment of the monies you have been defrauded.
Communication is very important now. Discuss, what has happened. Discuss how your mistake will help them and their friends not to make the same or similar mistakes. Become an advocate to show them and others how to learn from such experiences. Show your family how you can still be the strong and honest citizen you have always been in the face of these undermining issues. It may take a while, but you can get yourself out of this mess. Although you may feel like you have fallen deep into a rut. The difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. It is important to hold onto who you have always been so you do not dig the hole any deeper. Keep your family informed and work with your personal team.
Even the children need to know something about the situation for two reasons. First, they need to know you are still strong and enabled to work out this problem, to feel personally secure when they may see something in the news or hear fragments of worrisome conversations. Second, childhood peers are cruel animals that will ridicule anything to maximize embarrassment at the drop of a hat. Do not leave your kids defenseless or feeling the stigma of isolation simply because they have no idea of what to say. Their inability to respond leaves them swayed and questioning your integrity as their peers may do. Knowledge is power for them too, and it is the knowledge of their security and understanding how you handle this situation with integrity and your own authority that enables them to retort, their peers don't know what they are talking about. Give them the way to hold their esteem together in the face of adversity.
Love and support, is the family's belief in each other, enough that you can work through any problem!
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